It is easy to understand this in the wrong way, from both directions. I mean, (1) if you are the speaker of the sentence it is easy to forget that you are a sinner and that the other person, who is in fact a sinner, is essentially good, else God would not love him. And (2) if you are the receiver of such a sentiment it can easily offend us to think of ourselves as sinners, and we wonder if that other person knows at all how to differentiate between what I do and who I am.
I would like to show two quotes that help us understand this phrase. The first quote comes from C.S. Lewis (Mere Christianity, the chapter entitled Forgiveness), and the other comes from St. Thomas Aquinas (Commentary on the Ten Commandments, in the preamble explaining how love for God and neighbour fulfills all the commandments). It is important to note that these authors make none of the aforementioned mistakes. The authors (1) explicitly or implicitely admit their own sinfulness. (2)They wish that others would lead the happiest of lives, not wishing them condemnation or hell, realizing that God is good in every way. (3) The authors show that this phrase must lead us to be merciful, compassionate and forgiving. (4) Lastly, there is justice going on, in that the evil is rightly hated while those whom God has created and loved are being loved.
The most important notice I can give is this: those people who use this phrase wrongly, to condemn people, to judge those they should not judge, to feel justified in feeling high and "righteous", to be unmerciful or unforgiving...those people don't understand God correctly, as these authors do. C.S. Lewis and St. Thomas Aquinas understand God to be the epitome of Goodness, Justice, Wisdom, and Power. Christians believe that God is so good and merciful and life-affirming that he paid a great - the greatest - price to help us. He is Just in that all of sin has been punished, through Christ, and that he has done it through a human to free humans and that he has not removed our free will to reject his goodness. He is wise because he devised a way to do all this. And all of this would be meaningless if God could not actually do this, but God is in fact all-powerful. Anyways, enough with my introduction.
(1)
For a long time I used to think this a silly, straw-splitting distinction: how could you hate what a man did and not hate the man? But years later it occurred to me that there was one man to whom I had been doing this all my life - namely myself. However much I might dislike my own cowardice or conceit of greed, I went on loving myself. There had never been the slightest difficulty about it. In fact the very reason why I hated the things was that I loved the man. Just because I loved myself, I was sorry to find that I was the sort of man who did those things. Consequently, Christianity does not want us to reduce by one atom the hatred we feel for cruelty and treachery. We ought to hate them. Not one word of what we have said about them needs to be unsaid. But it does want us to hate them in the same way in which we hate things in ourselves: being sorry that the man should have done such things, and hoping, if it is anyway possible, that somehow, sometime, somewhere he can be cured and made [more] human again. - C. S. Lewis
(2)
“Love your neighbor as yourself.” This precept the Jews and Pharisees badly understood, believing that God commanded them to love their friends and hate their enemies. Therefore, by “neighbors” they understood only friends. Christ meant to repudiate this understanding when he said (Mt 5:44): “Love your enemies; do good to those who hate you.” Note that whoever hates his brother is not in the state of salvation (1 Jn 2:9): “He who hates his brother is in the darkness.”
We must be aware, however, of texts to the contrary. For the saints hated some people (Ps 138:22): “I hated them with perfect hatred.” And in the Gospel (Lk 14:26): “If anyone does not hate his father and mother and wife and sons and brothers and sisters, even his own soul, he cannot be my disciple.” We should realize that in all that we do, what Christ did should be our example. For God loves and hates. In any man two things should be considered: his nature and the wrong. What is of nature in man should be loved, what is wrong should be hated. So if anyone wished a person to be in hell, he would be hating his nature, but if he wished him to be good, he would be hating the sin, which should always be hated (Ps 5:7): “You hate all who do evil.” And (Wis 11:25), “Lord, you love all that exists, and hate nothing which you have made.” See, then, what God loves and hates: He loves what is of nature and hates what is wrong.
We should realize, however, that sometimes a person can do evil without sinning, that is, when he does evil so that he may desire good, because God also does this. For instance, when a man is sick and is converted to good, whereas while he was well he was evil. In the same way someone can be converted to good when he meets adversity, after being evil while living in prosperity, according to the text (Is 28:19): “Terror alone shall convey the message.” Another case is to desire the evil of a tyrant destroying the Church, in as much as you desire the good of the Church through the destruction of the tyrant; thus (2 Mac 1:17): “Blessed in every way be God who has punished the wicked.” And all must want this not just by willing it, but also by doing it. For it is not a sin justly to hang the evil; for they are ministers of God who do this, according the Apostle (Rm 13), and these people are acting in love, because punishment is given at times to castigate evil, and at times for the sake of a greater and divine good. For the good of a city is a greater good than the life of one man. But note that it is not enough not to wish evil, but one must also wish good, that is the correction of the sinner and eternal life.
For someone can wish the good of another in two ways. One way is general, in so far as the person is a creature of God and is capable of partaking in eternal life. The other way is special, in so far as the person is a friend or companion. No one is excluded from a general love, for everyone should pray for everyone, and help anyone in extreme need. But you are not held to be familiar with everyone, unless he asks pardon, because then he would be your friend; and if you refused him you would be hating a friend. Thus it is said (Mt 6:14-15): “If you forgive people their sins, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you yours; but if you do not forgive them, neither will your Father forgive you your sins.” And in the Lord’s Prayer it is said (Mt 6:9): “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”
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